He told me they were just razor bumps!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
