it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I touched a dick in church today
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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