im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
