Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
