Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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