I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
