So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
