I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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