I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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