She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
