Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
