these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
