Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
