Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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