ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
