I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
