Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
