He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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