I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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