mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
