oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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