I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
