i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize