Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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