sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
