It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
