apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
