I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
