So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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