I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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