guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
