Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
