i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
