Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
