Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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