there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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