if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
