i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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