check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Too much gin, very little bucket
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
