i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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