Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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