The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
