Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We are all done wearing pants today
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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