Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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