Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
