**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
