She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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