Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
