New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
