I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
