im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
