just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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