it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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