you guys were way drunker than both of me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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