i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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