Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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