dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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