96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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