Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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