i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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