The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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