Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He felt like a one man threesome
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wear drunk well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
