Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
