??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
