i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
