She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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