I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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