I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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