Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
