just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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