Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
