We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
