I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
