me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
