There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
