Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
