Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
