arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize