I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
3pm strippers are depressing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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