My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
