i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
